If you focus on what's in front of you, you keep getting more of what's in front of you. If you focus on something different, something that you want, you will get more of that. This is absolutely true of the village life here in Kashmir. Villages stay pretty much isolated from other little towns, and certainly from the city. The mountains make travel difficult and long, no one has a car, so it's just easier to stay where you are. My friend, Majid, bought a new color TV for his family, and that's the first one in the village. He was the first one to have a mobile phone, the first to fly in an airplane. He wears western clothes, different ones every day, and shaves his beard. This creates a bit of awe and envy among the other villagers, mainly his uncles and their families. Too big for his britches. And then he has the balls to bring a Western woman here. Oh well, I just smile and keep saying "hello, how are you? His wanting more for his life and his family is a bit resented.
This is harvest time, and everyone is busy in the rice fields, cutting, making big piles, then smashing the sheeves of rice against a big barrel, collecting the rice on a big plastic sheet. The leftover rice grass are gathered up in the crotches of trees, to save for food for the livestock in the winter.
This is also a busy time for picking the water chestnuts out of the lake. The first part of the harvest is for the women. They pick them off the branches on top of the water, gather them up, dry them with heat and in the sun, then sell them to out-of-towners who come to buy them in bulk. The second part of the harvest is for the men. They bring up the roots from the bottom, collect more nuts which are sweeter. This is harder work. Big business here in the villages by the lake. Of course, there is lots of fishing going on, using big nets or a long pole with small spears on the end. Last year they fished out the lake. They used big stationary nets, and had practically no seed fish left. This year, they did away with the permanent nets, and the lake has replenished itself with 7 different kinds of fish.
Anyway, my life is taking on a nice routine. I sleep on 2 mattress pads, on the floor, with 2 thick fuzzy blankets. It's nice and warm, and quiet when I shut the door. I shower in the morning, using the big pail. There's always warm water in the morning. I get dressed, and we head out for the town, or for a boat ride. We get back about 4:00pm, and that's naptime. I have only one book with me, Ask and It is Given, so I've been studying that. I love it. I come out of my room about 6:00pm, and Majid cooks supper for me in the kitchen, a separate building.By the time I"m done, the family has their supper, about 10:00 pm. Often the youngest kid is asleep on the floor, where all the activity takes place. This is the month of Ramadan, so they go to bed early, as they get up around 4:30am to eat, and the men go pray, then back to bed around 5:00am, to get up again at 9:00 am, or so. There is no eating or drinking of anything until 6:30pm, no smoking, and no sex. Then the iman comes on the loudspeaker, and gives them permission to eat and drink. This goes on for 30 days, during September and October. Only 12 days to go. Not everybody is strict about this. There are those that will eat or drink or smoke in their home, but certainly not in public. They could be harrassed or shamed by their neighbors. Lots of social pressure in a small community of mostly one religion. Diversity looks really good to me.
Anytime we go to town, I gets lots of people staring at me. If I wore a salwaar kameez, I think I'd get less stares. Oh well, the price you pay for being different here. They are definitely not used to westerners. They like to talk to me, and ask where I'm from, and then if I'm married. One guy asked how could I be happy if I weren't married. It's hard for them to understand. Oh well.
On the way to town today, there was a strike. That means one little village was blocking traffic because they had no drinking water. Rile up a bunch of women about something that is important to them and their families, and things will get done. They were the ones on the road, using sticks to try to dissuade the horse and tonga drivers from coming through. Traffic was backed up about a mile in each direction. The idea is to piss people off so they go to the officials, and then the women will get some attention to their demands. You do what you have to do, I guess. It must have worked, because when we came back, the road was open, and traffic moving.
Everyday is new to me, always something to surprise me, and usually delight me, but not always. People are people are people are people......
I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't been able to get my website up and running. The internet connection here is very sporatic. I worked for 2 hours today on email, using a generator for power instead of electricity. I guess I will have to wait until we get to Srinagar to work on it more.
Cultural Appreciation
Cultural appreciation,yes....cultural assimilation, never. We are back in Majid's home village, and people have warmed up to me. Or, should I say, they have warmed up to my camera and having their photos taken. We developed about 110 photos that I had taken last week when we were here, and brought them back to give to the villagers. Now, I always have a gaggle of children around me, wanting me to take their photo. I've snapped until my finger hurts. They like to walk with me out into the rice fields and sing and make me dance. Whenever they start singing some jazzy tune, I start dancing. At first only one or two girls would dance with me, now they all do, boys included. All the kids are aged 1-14, and there is a gaggle of them, about 15-20 at any time, trying to hold my hand and get my attention. I can onlytake it about an hour, then I tell them the camera has to rest. Then, I get some peace and quiet.
Today, Sunday, is Eid, after a false start yesterday. We came Friday, thinking that Saturday was going to be Eid. Friday night, it was announced that Eid was going to be on Sunday, not Saturday. This is not the easiest place for me to be, but it has gotten easier this time. Eid is as important to Muslims as Christmas is to us. Everybody wears new clothes, and parades around to visit each other, and have a snack together. Kind of like the first day of school, so you can see why the photos were so important today. Today begins the first day of non-fasting, and they do like that. Not eating or drinking for daylight hours get old fast. Majid is not so strict about it. He eats with me, but only where other Muslims won't see him. He's not the only one, but many, many do abide by the Ramahdan rules. I guess after the fasting, they are now "sinless", and ready to start all over again.
The family system is structured differently than Western families, but it meets their needs, most of the time. The sons continue to live in the family home with his parents, and when he marries, his wife and future children live here also. Married daughters go to live with their husbands (arranged by her family) and raise their families in that household. The mother in law is queen of the girls. She does almost no work, but is in charge of seeing that things get done. Often, when a second and third and fourth son comes to live with their wives and children, there can be trouble, especially among the women. The men don't do a lot around the house, but do "bring home the bacon." Often, the women will also bring in income by gathering and selling fish, water chestnuts, walnuts,in abundance in their surroundings. Of course, they still have to do all the work in the home, not unlike the current situation in most Western countries. If there is too much in-fighting, one of two of the sons and families will move to another house in the same village. There's always a solution.
Very few of the Kashmiri villagers go hungry. Most have a cow or two for milk, and chickens for eggs and meat. They grow most of their own vegetables, especially root vegetables. All consider themselves to be "middle class", not unlike everyone else in their area.
I have enjoyed Majid's family. He has 2 children. ShuBai, his 6 year old daughter, did not speak until she was 4. Now, she talks all the time, but no one understands her. She is always trying to teach me the prayers she learns in school. We cross our arms over our chests, lower our heads, and then she starts with a few words, I repeat what she says, and then she says some more, and I repeat that. This goes on and on. I have some cards with lovely drawings that I brought, so she looks at the picture, tells me the story, and reads to me the works--all in her unique language. We are a good match, no one understands either one of us, but we understand each other. She is cute, strong willed, and not afraid of anyone, but she does have some strange quirks. No one can kiss her, and if anyone spits, she vomits. The doctors have told Majid and his wife that she will talk eventually, not to worry. Good advice, I think.
Sayad is a healthy, gorgeous, independent, and smart 4 year old. He's going to break some hearts. He loves cars, airplanes, boxes, anything he can pull. He tries to sit on everything, but, no-go. He entertains himself more than ShuBai. He strikes me as a little adult, with his own preferences and personality. His speech is wonderful, at least it sounds good to me.
Majid's wife, Nazeem, is warming up to me. Today she gave me one of her scarves that matches my outfit. When we are in town, she holds my hand to keep track of me in the crush of people. Majid does all the cooking for me, and takes care of whatever I need, so I don't think I have imposed too much on her, but still, this can't be easy for her.
Everyone shares child care. Someone is always holding one of the babies. Of Majid's 3 brothers, 2 are married, with wives and 4 children between them. That makes 6 children under the age of 6, 3 sons, 2 wives, and his mother and father. Next door is Majid's uncle, his wife, 2 married sons and families, and 2 unmarried boys. Forget privacy. Everyone knows when you sneeze, when you go to the bathroom, and what you do in there. This is the only family to have an outdoor toilet. Everyone else uses the communal toilets down the way. At night, it's outside for them. There is running water at certain spots in the community--water points, they are called. The women have to carry the water, and go to the stream to wash the clothes. Not true for Majid's family. They have 3 spigots with running cold water, and are the envy of the village.
I have a really hard time letting go of my appreciation and desire for cleanliness. I really work on my theory of "look up, look out, don't look down." I can't watch too much of the food preparation. I get visions of germs on my food, on my plate, on my utensils, you name it. Everyday I envision good health for myself and others, and focus on that, not the germs.
One more night here, and then we return to Srinagar. I'll see a few people, and then we will take a sleeper bus to Delhi. I have a few things to do there, and then we'll take the Rajdani Express to the state of Goa. I'm excited about finding a beautiful apartment there. I'm going to try another town to live in, where there is more peace and quiet, and more Westerners. I'm eager for the palm leaves swaying in the breeze, and the sound of the surf, not to mention all the tropical flowers and bushes. That turns me on.
That's the news, if you want to call it that. Thank God for Memory Sticks. I type on my own computer, then transfer it to the stick, and eventually get it to the internet cafe computer. It has been difficult to get to one of these cafes. The electricity is sporatic, but some places use a Honda generator to get the juice flowing. In Majid's town of Bandipore, there is no internet cafe. Another reason to get back to civilization, as I know it.
Army Life
Dogs live in packs here, and I can see why. They get social contact, a family, and affection, things they usually get from humans. They do look ragged, and all the females have sagging tits. At night, they get together and socialize a bit before going to bed. In Majid's village, they go to live with the Army base up the hill, as they get fed way better on the leftovers.
Everyone gets fed better in the Army. It's a way to pull yourself out of nothing, and to eventually have something. After a few years, you can afford to have houses, cars, scooters, even health care. If a serviceman dies while in service, his family gets a large amount of money, and the relatives are given government jobs for life. That seems to be the ultimate goal for everybody.
The Army has the best and cleanest buildings, vehicles, clothes, food, you name it. It's a good way for the boys to play soldiers, and you can see what it does for their self esteem. They are very proud of themselves. They don't seem to be too interested in Western red-headed white women, at least officially. We were in Pahalgam and the security from the summer is gone. There were soldiers there, but no one questioned us or used mirrors to look under our car, like they have in the past. When an Army convoy comes by, everybody gets off the road to let them pass. They always have the right of way. The local people love them and hate them. They bring money and protection to the area, but they can be bullies. They are pretty much accepted, and the tourism has risen every year, because of the absence of violence.
How to Buy in Kashmir
You can expect to find some of the finest handcrafts made in the world, here in Kashmir--hand knotted silk and wool carpets, paper machie, leather goods, chain stitch rugs and pillow covers, walnut carved items of furniture and household accessories, all types of shawls--pashmina, semi-pashmina, wool and wool blends, as well as synthetic and synthetic blends. The designs are fabulous, the colors are wonderful, and the variety is infinite. There are terrific values to be had, but not if you are on a houseboat.
When you are on the houseboat, go to look at the shops you are taken to, look at the merchandise brought on the boat, look at everything to get some idea of prices. Then, you will have a better idea of what to expect to pay when you are ready to buy. The owner of the houseboat will discourage you from going anywhere alone, citing security reasons. Don't believe it. It is perfectly safe to walk around town and in any commercial area.
When you are ready to buy in Kashmir, my suggestion is to stay in a hotel, and take a "tuk-tuk" (motorcycle rickshaw) to a commercial district, get out and walk. Approach each shop by yourself. Look at the merchandise, get prices, and walk on to the next shop selling that same stuff. If you take anyone with you, you will be paying an added amount to the shop owner to give to the person with you. Having an idea of what prices are asked for on the houseboat, you will have a better idea of what you should pay in the shops--about 30%-50% less
A word about the houseboat owners. They are a class unto themselves, and not well liked by all the other businesses. Once a tourist arrives at a houseboat for a stay, they unwittingly come under the control of the houseboat owner. He decides where they go, what businesses they visit, what food they eat, and who comes to the boat. If a guest wants to go into town, or go shopping, the owner sends him at the owner's convenience, and with his boat, and with his driver. The driver will only take the guest to shops that give the owner 30%-40% commission on whatever the guest buys. That's high. Only certain salespeople are invited to sell their wares on the boat, such as leather goods, jewelry, handcrafts, etc. The goods are all nice, but count on 30%-40% going to the owner. It's a racket, and the shop owners around the lake are not happy with it, but feel powerless to do anything different. They feel dependent on the houseboat owner for customers. This 30%-40% commission is true for repeat customers, as well as first time customers. This system of "tension" is present all over the lake. You cannot avoid it.
